Have you made your holiday wish list yet? How about instead of just thinking about what you would like that comes in wrapping paper and a bow this year, take some time to think about what you really want… in business, in personal relationships, in life. Evaluate your personal goals and give yourself permission to ask for what will help you achieve them.
Asking for what you want fosters a sense of confidence. Confidence is a magnetic quality that attracts opportunities and growth. When you are clear about your desires and unafraid to voice them, you project an image of someone who is in control and purposeful. Also,this helps build your strong personal brand.
Yes! Part of getting what you want is knowing what you don’t want. Have you heard this new song, “Boundaries,” that young kids are singing in school these days? I was at my friend’s home the other day, and her daughter was walking around singing it. And as I listened to her belt out the chorus on repeat, I thought, you know, this is really a great beginner’s guide to asking for what you want.
I don’t like that.
I’m feeling uncomfortable.
I need more space.
Not around me.
Don’t take it personally; that’s just a boundary…
It’s quite a catchy song (not to mention I love a good rhyme)! More than that, it made me think about asking for what we want. Being clear about our goals and what we need.
You get what you allow if you don’t ask for what you want.
Do you know your boundaries? This song could be a reminder that setting social and emotional boundaries is healthy and smart.
What do you allow as well as not allow in your interactions with others? Because guess what…They play a crucial role in your human relationships. These invisible lines define where you end and where others begin, which dictates much of how you interact with the world.
Despite their importance, many of my clients and friends find it incredibly challenging to assert boundaries. Without clear boundaries, life becomes a secret mission of trying to navigate a difficult web of unspoken rules and expectations. There are too many fears driving this mentality.
Remember imposter syndrome? It’s that self-doubt that tells you that you aren’t competent enough, not capable of maintaining your current level of success. This imposter syndrome can also trick you into believing you aren’t worth standing up for yourself. Which means it is not worth defining your own boundaries.
So, ask yourself, why aren’t you asking for what you want? Why are you afraid to make it clear what you don’t want? Let’s recognize something critical here… You are worth it! It’s time you put yourself on a mission. A mission where you give yourself permission to demand respect and create boundaries for yourself. A Permission Mission!
What are you afraid of?
The Status Quo. It’s time to get past the idea that you are going to upset the status quo by asking for what you want. Because guess what? Upsetting the status quo can be a positive force for change. Change can often be uncomfortable, yes. But it’s also necessary for growth. By expressing your needs, you are sitting in the driver’s seat versus sitting shotgun and letting someone else take you for a ride. You are guiding yourself to better relationships and intentional personal development.
Rudeness. You may need to reframe the concept of politeness in your mind. True politeness involves honesty and respect, not just keeping up appearances. When you express your needs with honesty and respect, you are embracing a deeper form of politeness that values open communication.
Retaliation. Afraid it might come back to bite you? Addressing the fear of retaliation requires a shift in perspective. What are the positive outcomes that can result in asserting yourself? Ultimately, it leads to a more authentic connection to the people around you. Plus, people who respect your wishes are likely to be the ones you want to keep in your life!
Rejection. I have a client who feels very uncomfortable around a co-worker who constantly makes inappropriate jokes and does uncomfortable things, like sitting a little too close to her at meetings. Just hearing her stories makes me uncomfortable for her! I’ve told her over and over, you need to say something. You need to let people know what you want and don’t want. But she just can’t do it. Why? She’s afraid everyone she works with will laugh at her for not having a sense of humor. She’ll become the pariah of the office. So, instead, she suffers in quiet dread at her job. This is no way to live! It might be uncomfortable initially, but requesting respect is often the best way to get it.
Permission to kick fears out
By addressing your fears, you will find great growth and deeper connections with those around you. Give yourself permission to embark on this mission, knowing boundaries are not barriers but bridges to healthier and more meaningful connections.
Dare to ask for what you want. You’ll not only strengthen your own personal brand but also pave the way for a more fulfilling and authentic life. Determine what you want and ask for it. You are worth it!