May is always a month I look forward to for a number of reasons. The weather is good; there is an energy in the air as the school year wraps up, graduations happen, weddings are popping up on calendars everywhere, and summer is peeking around the corner. May carries a sense of transition that feels exciting, reflective and hopeful all at the same time.

And it’s my birth month. Yes, I celebrate the whole month…fully and unapologetically. Think five-year-old excitement, just with an entire month of fun and a credit card.

But somewhere between the celebrations, the cake, and the “treat yourself” moments, there’s something else I’ve come to value just as much, maybe even more. It’s something I call “the pause.” This is where life slows down just enough for me to sit and experience what’s been moving so quickly around me. It’s in those spaces that I find real meaning and often clarity. I listen and pay attention to my own thoughts. I discover and actually allow myself to feel my real emotions. It’s pretty powerful, that pause.

The Power of Milestones

It is kind of magical that life has a way of handing us pauses throughout our lives. Sort of built-in checkpoints, whether we ask for them or not. Birthdays, anniversaries, big life events: they show up on the calendar and gently (or sometimes not so gently) invite us to reflect.

Where have you been?

Why aren’t you paying attention?

What have you learned?

What actually matters to you now?

These questions seem to follow us year after year and, somehow, they always land a little differently depending on what we’ve been through and what we are going through now.

Yet, when I actually do have “the pause,” I keep coming back to the same thoughts: why do we wait for those moments? Why does it often take a specific date or something bigger, sometimes difficult or even scary, to get us to stop and take stock of our lives? If we’re being honest, most of us don’t build reflection into our routines. We respond to it when something prompts us to, rather than choosing it for ourselves.

The Wake-Up Call We Didn’t Plan For

The reality is that a lot of our reflections don’t come from calm, intentional pauses. They arrive after something shakes us. A health scare that interrupts everything. The loss of someone who mattered deeply. Burnout that quietly builds until it suddenly feels overwhelming. A life change we didn’t see coming and weren’t quite ready for.

In those moments, everything shifts. We pause … not because we planned to, but because we have to. And it’s often in that space that we finally ask ourselves the question we’ve been avoiding: How am I actually doing? It’s interesting when you think about it. Almost like we’ve been conditioned to wait for something external to give us permission to check in with ourselves, as if slowing down is something that needs to be justified. Why is that?

The Me First To-Do List

It is kind of ironic because, at the same time, we are incredibly good at showing up for everything and everyone else. We meet deadlines, carry responsibilities, and support the people we care about, often without hesitation. The day fills up quickly with what needs to get done, and before we realize it, we’ve quietly moved ourselves further and further down the list. Not in a dramatic way but in a gradual, almost unnoticeable one … until we’re barely even on the list.

So what would it look like to flip that mindset, even just slightly? Not in a way that disrupts everything or requires a major life overhaul, but in small, honest decisions that acknowledge our own needs.  What if we took some direction from the airlines and put our own oxygen mask on first? Would the world come to a screeching halt? What if we created a Me-First To-Do List?

It doesn’t have to be complicated or time-consuming.

It might mean:

  • Taking a walk without your phone.
  • Finally booking an appointment you’ve been putting off.
  • Sitting in silence for five minutes (which, honestly, is harder than it sounds).

Because the truth is, taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. It never was. It’s just something we tend to delay … until we can’t anymore.

What Actually Matters?

Many of us would list some version of the following answers:

The people we love.

Our health.

A sense of peace/belonging/security.

Having purpose (even if you’re still discovering it or evolving it).

None of this is surprising. None of this is new.

Which makes the real question a little more uncomfortable: if we already know what matters, why don’t we consistently act like it? Why do we wait until something forces our attention before we start making different choices?

A Question I Keep Coming Back To

A friend of mine, Sean, asks everyone the same question every year on their birthday, and I think it is brilliant: “What do you know this year that you didn’t know last year?”  I love this question, and I look forward to it every year.

It’s simple, but it shifts the focus in a meaningful way. Instead of centering on age or time passing, Sean’s question invites me to think about growth, awareness, and what life has actually taught me in the past year.

There’s something so grounding about that. It feels less like measuring time and more like recognizing progress. And I like that. It feels more honest. More valuable. More reflective. More like a result of “the pause.”

What I’m Taking With Me This Year

Ok, truth time. I am going to be super-honest here. This past year, it has become especially clear to me that life doesn’t slow down on its own. There will always be something asking for your attention, something that feels urgent, something that can easily take priority if you let it.

And if you don’t choose to pause, eventually something will pause you.

So, this next trip around the sun, I’m trying something different. (And I am asking for your help to hold me accountable as well as your patience, since I am a work in progress here!)  I’m going to be checking in with myself more often, sometimes just in small ways.

I am going to start a practice of noticing and asking myself simple questions like:

Am I okay today?

Do I need a break?

Am I paying attention to what matters to me or just responding to the “fire du jour?”

An Invitation

If you’re reading this in the middle of a busy week or a full season of life, maybe this is your reminder that a pause doesn’t have to be dramatic to be meaningful. It doesn’t require a special occasion, a major life event, or a moment of crisis to justify it.

You can pause now.

You can take a breath, check in with yourself, and create a little space. Give yourself permission. And the more often you choose to do that, the less likely it is that life will have to step in and do it for you.